The Bulk of it...

Man, I think I am a bit too bulky right now.
I know that I like working out and enjoy the heavier weight challenge as well. It gives me focus and release when I am working out, but I also found that the harder I work out, the easier for me to lose fat... At least that's what I thought.
Now, my waistline is under control. However, I found myself bulking up in the chest and shoulders areas. Plus, my weight has crept up on me, AGAIN!!
I do not mind the shoulders, but I am naturally thick and wide and this bulk isn't helping at all.
The other day I tried on my suit and fits me fine except it's a bit tight in the chest area... and I need to wear that suit at least a couple of times in the next few months!! I need to tone it down and fast... I am confused now. Whether I should cut down on my protein intake, modify my work out or what!!
I don't think I over eat, maybe on weekends only... whatever it is I will come up with, I will have to come up with it soon!

Impending

It's been a busy couple of weeks for me here... Working and preparing everything I could so that EvenStar would come back to Jakarta and enable me to visit her before she comes back. Apparently I underestimated myself and her friends... It looks like the EvenStar's resume is quite in demand here in Jakarta. I have to admit that it's not only due to my efforts, some of her friends helped quite a bit too, even more effectively than myself perhaps.
She's still out there studying for her final exams and making preparations for job interviews, etc... However somehow the excitement is missing for me...
Perhaps it's my fears and worries, perhaps it's my work, or perhaps distractions...
I know this is a long shot, even with friends and family's tremendous help... I don't know how far I can get here...

Damn The Humidity

Mr. M was livid on Sunday's practice for some reasons. I don't know what the cause was, but it was surely enough for him to repeatedly disrupt our practice to criticize a few people, luckily I wasn't one of them. However another older sensei had to face embarasement by being publicly criticized by Mr. M... unfortunate incident it was, erhhm...
Practice was fine, although I have failed yet again to crack this riddle known to me as Mr. Kmura... Somehow I just couldn't read his rhytm, his timing, his kamae and his attacks!!
The wound on my left foot just kept re-opened... I am taking a week's worth of break from Kendo this week... I have some things to attend to in Bandung.

Goodbye Mr. Kikawa

Yesterday was Mr. Kikawa's final practice here in Jakarta. We don't know if he will be able to come back here to Jakarta after this term. I do hope that he does. You see, he is one of the first offensive oriented Kendo teacher that came to Jakarta a couple of years ago. Practicing with him has greatly helped me in developing my own offensive Kendo. Anticipating attacks while creating your own opportunity. In fact, it was because of practicing with him that I developed my own Kote-Men attack, to counter his close distance maai and Kote attacks.
Even though he had a leg cramp, he did astoundingly well. Fought more than 10 people and beat most of them. He will surely be missed...

Before the farewell shiais, I was able to practice with Mr. KKawa, Mr. Smura and Mr. Aono. Incorporating what I thought of the past few days, I think I was more comfortable with my own Kendo rather than trying forcing myself to do a more rigid style.
Although, I was having difficulties in trying to hit a Men attack against Mr. Smura, somehow his swing always could negate mine, thus grabbing away the point for himself. I think my center is off, especially when colliding with his strong attack.
While I think my friend God of Thunder doesn't as difficult time as myself. Perhaps due to his height and strength as well...

Out of My Element

Here's what I've been thinking in the past few days...
You are your Kendo... Your Kendo reflects your own personality.
After my injury, I have been very tentative with my Kendo. I carefully try not to move too much, not to do anything too drastic or active, even during keiko or shiai. Paired with the advise that I got from my teachers that I should be focusing more on the mental aspect of my Kendo, my semme... With all these in mind, I've been trying to do focus on a more stationary Kendo, focusing on my mind instead of my movement. What I found was instead I haven't been able to 'flow' with my Kendo... I either waited too much or attack at the wrong time. I realize that I've been trying too hard to do Kendo that isn't me, out of my personality and out of my element...
This week, I started to train again. Focusing on leg strength and flexibility that will enable to me to move more fluidly and do the Kendo that I LIKE to do. While I am not a hyperactive person, nor I am the stoic and silent type either.
Without forgetting all the advises I've got from my senseis, rather than trying to do Kendo that isn't really me, I will instead try to incorporate them into my OWN Kendo... and let's see how this will turn out.

Over Training

Land from Sumatra, rush to the bank to take care of some paperwork...
I was feeling so hungry that my stomach started to hurt a little bit. I managed to find some little eatery so I could I get some food into my system. After that, I was off to the gym...
I was surprisingly feeling pretty strong through out the weight session, I only relented in the end when I felt a bit of a leg cramp when I was running on the treadmill.
I think I have lost all the excess I gained when I wasn't feeling well and not working out. I did however felt the effect on the very next day when I was at Kendo practice.
My legs felt so heavy that I was barely able to move. Needless to say I did quite badly that day. Mr. M even laughed and said I need more practice. I also rip a piece of skin on my left foot during the practice. It was quite painful that I had to miss Sunday's practice due to that.
I had a chance to have dinner with Mr. SMura Saturday night. Aside from reporting the progress of the JKA, we also talked a bit about our Kendo stories. I mentioned him about my beginnings at University of Wisconsin, with Kiyota Sensei, Kimura and Steve... He thought that I was lucky to be able to have so many good teachers to start me off with my Kendo. Well, we both shared stories about Kendo and families mostly... It was a pretty interesting evening.
I feel a bit bad that I couldn't make it to practice the next day because of my foot.
Anyways, this wednesday is Mr. KKawa's last day in practice, I will make a point to go this time... and perhaps not work out so hard the day before.

Fork in the Road

I was able to get back into things after a few outings and pretty soon was going out with even more attractive women compared to before. However, there was something amiss about all this. I found that I was going out in order to force myself to survive, to get over a failed relationship and to get me a new one. Having a few options didn't help the matter either, it actually confused me even more. Before long, going out and playing the field became a chore, a distraction and a burden for me.
I came to the realization that the Game may have brought me women, dates and fun... but it didn't brought me what I was and still looking for, which is love. It may sound cliche, but I have forgotten the reason why I started this whole thing before.

Long ago, I was always the one without the upper hand in a man - woman interaction. Often times, I was trapped in the dreaded 'friends zone' with a woman I am attracted. Like a chump I stayed in there, hoping for a change which I know now would have never come. I have experienced terrible things emotionally that I vowed never I would let myself be in that position again. After the Game, I was able to maintain control over my interactions and never caught myself stepping into the 'friends zone', however I felt there was something missing.
Everything became mechanic to me. I am confident enough to know that I can get a girl out and have a good chance for her to be interested in me, however I realize the 'feeling' has been missing. That true feeling for someone...

I know that letting go of the Game may open myself for another emotional pain, however perhaps the payoff may be worth it. After all, feeling something is better than not feeling at all...

Crossroads

I've been meaning to write this piece for the past week or so now, I just haven't figured out how to come up with the best format to express my thoughts.
Anyways, I guess I will have to go way back to the beginning...

You see, a friend of mine recommended me to the read The Game to better understand how to interact with women, a department I was lacking at. Although, I wouldn't say that the book changed my life, it did opened my eyes to many many things I was missing before. I studied up some more, read materials and discussed the contents and applications to some of my friend, Master Djedi and Mrs. Chickpea to name some...
I learned and studied and was feeling very excited and apprehensive at the same time, I just couldn't believe that these crazy theories and practices could somehow better my chances with women. Tried them out I did, practiced I did, did it work? Surprisingly, yes...
Even though I didn't use every detail or pick up lines mentioned in the book or the other materials, I was able to deduct the basic content of it. Basically, by improving your inner balance, you will somehow create an 'aura' of attraction from yourself and this 'aura' can subconsciously be projected to others. Of course, after that comes the conversational skills, body language and mind tactics that follows as well.
I practiced this on every girl I met and went out with... Counting to this day, I think I have went out with around 30 women in the past 2 years and have had a pretty good success rate. You see, I don't go out with so many women to get off from the fact that I got a lot of girlfriends nor do I get any psychological satisfaction from seducing women in general. I was practicing so that when the One showed up, I'd be ready... Well, the result was I found myself a girlfriend that I really like, but we all know that story ended.
After the break up, I was in full swing mode again with my Game. I was eager to bounce back and get myself back in the Game again. This time, what I found was different...

Missing Comrade

You know...
Dark Knight and Jive Tongue has been out of Kendo for a while now both due to their respective jobs requirements. I miss practicing and talking Kendo with Dark Knight, I think practicing or fighting him can somehow bring out my best Kendo. I also miss talking about Kendo, even though our fighting styles were completely different, I think we share the same passion and goal for our Kendo.
I do hope he comes back to practice soon...

Re-Energized

Related to the my determination to keep things rolling in my life, I seem to have found new life in my Kendo as well. Even Mr. SMura was pleasantly surprised with the level of energy I brought with me during Saturday's keiko at Skyline dojo. I don't think I am 'there' just yet, but if I can keep this energy level up, I should be able to progress each week. I just need to keep this positive calm and attitude within myself.
The organizational work for the JKA has also picked up a bit in the past week. We've been trying to organize the members of the dojo, for the purpose of data base, equipment supply, maintenance and event organizing. It has generated quite a good deal of interest amongst the members, thanks to our staff...

High Definition

So, I saved up enough money to splurge once more, heh heh heh...
I bought myself a High Definition LCD TV and home theater system for my room. It is something I have always wanted, since I never had a TV in my own room before.
I was a bit worried when the analog connection to the TV started showing some spots after a few minutes of DVD, then I decided to splurge some more to get myself an HDMI line... Let me tell ya folks... that's the way to go!!
HDMI graphics and DTS sound in your room... I don't think I'm gonna leave my room this weekend!!!

End of an Era

I can't believe the Packers decided to trade away Brett Favre!!
I am just gonna vent here...
Brett Favre is the only reason that the Packers has any standing at all in the NFL! He took them to the Superbowl twice! The playoffs numerous times!! Established Green Bay as one of the contenders ever since he stepped on the field in his number 4 green and gold jersey!! They traded him away? For whom? Who the hell is this Aaron Rodgers anyways!! Anyways, hoping and anticipating Brett can make something out of the Pack each year is the only reason I watch and follow the NFL these days, with him gone... there's no more reason for me to watch. Sure he may end up in Meadow Lands or Tampa, it ain't the same...
On the other hand though...
Brett is OLD, as strong and in shape as he is, we don't know how many more years he has in that arm. The franchise has to move, if I were the GM I'd probably do the same thing. Especially since Brett has been indecisive in regards to his retirement and future. Anyways, I think the Packers are going down the long road to obscurity here...

So long Brett, it's been a pleasure watching you all these years...

An Unwritten Letter

Hopefully I will be able to say these to you in person someday, and hopefully I won't choke when I'm doing it...
I felt that we had a connection going last winter when you were here. I thought that given the chance, perhaps we could have started something meaningful. The reason I didn't pursue anything at the time was because I didn't want you to be my rebound, plus you were leaving as well...
When I heard you was coming back this Fall, I was confused. Should I wait and perhaps act upon what we had the last time? Or should I just try to move on? October seems a like long ways and I don't think I can last that long without going crazy.
In fact went crazy I did, a couple of times actually. Like usual I bounced back though, and without realizing it, October is only a couple months away now.
I guess what I'm saying is, I have decided that I am going to risk it all again this time. No Game no nothing, just plain fool's hope and a plane ticket perhaps. I have decided to find out if you feel the same and if we can make something meaningful out of this.

Suspended Balance

I have been feeling weak and listless for the past few weeks with no clear symptoms nor explanations. A chinese doctor told me that I was 'over heating' from eating too much meat or protein related product, it's kinda funny because I also remembered that I feel the weakest whenever I drank my protein shake.
Perhaps that was some truth in that, I drank her traditional rancid stuff and I am getting better...
However, I think the underlining cause is my mental health (metal health, heh heh, God Bless Kevin Dubrow) isn't what I thought it should be.
You see, I have been kinda rolling around in the past few weeks, maybe months... as if I am in auto cruise mode. I do my daily work, work out, kendo, going out, etc... Yet I have been doing all of them without any passion, without any conviction and most importantly without any direction. While I was trying to maintain my inner balance, I didn't realize that I was slipping.
Apparently this inner balance is a dynamic concept. Not only you need to maintain all the aspects of your life, such as work, exercise, fun, socializing, intellectuals, but you also have to keep them rolling. Constantly seek to improve, whether its an existing aspect or add another plate that you are spinning.
It took my friend Noodle King to give me a kick in my nutzak, figuratively of course, for me to realize this. He told me to shape up and do the things I wanted to do, get the things I wanted to get. Otherwise the flow will be interrupted and all the progress will be halted. He told me to get some new clothes because a lot of my clothes are too old or too big now, go get whatever I wanted and go where ever I think I want to go (we will come to this later on).
I also thought to myself that I need to start taking responsibilities in my life, my job, Kendo and not letting people who counted on me down.
Speaking of responsibilities, it suddenly dawned on me I need to take some responsibilities for my past as well, including my failed relationship. I started to think that perhaps it wasn't all Queen of Diamond's fault, perhaps I also had my faults. Well, what's done is done, it's all over now...