To be Human...

I have been friends with Jive Tongue for many years now, in fact, he was my first close friend since I came back to Indonesia so many years ago. Even though we share many similar traits (even looks), it is Kendo that always been our connecting bond. In fact Kendo was how we connected in the first place.
Over the years, Jive Tongue and I experienced our shares of life, with its many joys and disdains. We each grew to be our current incarnations, perhaps not as joyous and similar was when we first me, but I still believe he has my back and I hope he still trust me the same way.
The main difference between us is our core belief in who we are, what we are and what we should be… our life ideology you could say.
Jive Tongue currently believes that one should be content with who they are and what they are.
While I believe that one should strive to be the best they could be.
Also, Jive Tongue usually believes he’s mostly right, while I believe that I could be wrong… sometimes… occasionally…
So, there was a moment where I doubted my own life belief. Trying to be the best you can be sure sounds good on paper, but in reality it is an endless journey of self examination, effort, toil and self loathing. If you’re successful, however, you are rewarded with TEMPORARY joy, pride and satisfaction. As soon as the euphoria subsided, you’re back to your toiling and self loathing ways…
Being happy in who you are, what you are… sounds simple enough. However, how happy can you live with yourself when you’re constantly tormented with the ‘what may have been’? Knowing that perhaps you could have done something extra-ordinary with your life but didn’t… Regret and conventionality, those are tortures not less severe than the other…
I think there really isn’t a clear answer on which outlook is the right one or which one is the wrong one. One may work best for someone, while other may work better for others… I admit there was a time recently when I first encountered this argument with Jive Tongue, that I truly doubted myself and the way I live my life. It was not until I heard the familiar voice of Brent Spiner, whom said something along the lines of…

“Striving to be better than what we are, that’s what makes us human…”

After the Break...

So it has been 2-3 weeks since I last practiced. Between my work schedule and my health, I had to take a little bit of time off in the past couple of weeks.
I came back to practice this past Sunday, just so happen that most of our senseis were away that weekend for an event in Bandung.
I had no time going through the basic practice, of course it is NOT our usual Mr. SMura Special. Just a simple format and not as intensive, of course...
My stamina was alright to get through the basic practice, which I found was rather surprising since I was still recovering from some weird ass flu, that never seem to go away.
I opted to fight my fellow students, because there weren't that many senseis around. As soon as my first fight started, I realize that I was still not 100%, the first thing I noticed was the disturbance in my Force... Although I was still able to fend off a few people, there were one or two occasion when I thought some of my juniors had a good score on me. After a few rounds, I started feeling my back sore/pain... my cue to take a rest and that was it for me that day.

Taking it Easy(er)...

So, what can I change in regards to my routines? The workouts that I thought would be beneficial towards my Kendo and my overall well being turned out to be a big drain of my energy and my health. Over training perhaps, added with my work travel schedule, it takes its toll on my body.
So what can I change? What can I do better?
I know for the time being I cannot change my work schedule, nor my traveling schedule. I also know that I cannot change the Kendo practice schedule.
What I can perhaps change is my work out schedule and routines. I think I have been building too much unnecessary muscle (weight). While I can still handle myself, I think it would be better if I could lean down a bit... Perhaps I should replace most of my weight lifting routines with other alternatives that is less muscle building oriented, but more endurance oriented for instance. Adding some of that time to the cardio portion could be beneficial as well.
The other thing that I could perhaps change is my diet. Maybe I should switch to more soy or plant based protein, instead of the whey protein I've been consuming all these times. Cutting down on my food intake could perhaps help as well...
I will need to consult with my trainer about this... I hope it will bring me some good and I will not get fat because of it.

Accidental Break

About a couple of weeks ago, I was contemplating some sort of vacation from Kendo. I was feeling exhausted, uninspired and in dire need for some rest from my routine activity. Because my current work load hasn't allowed me to take time for a real vacation (yet). However, there were some things going on in Kendo that also could not allow me to take some time off... Little did I know, my body wasn't able to take it too much longer.
I guess I am getting old, all that work, traveling, work out and Kendo take their toll. I think I feel older than my actual age sometimes...
Well, last week I started to feel it on my way back from Sumatra. I suddenly felt some sort of allergies forming on me, I couldn't sleep well, cold symptoms and all... I missed one weekend of Kendo because of that. Even though my allergy symptoms were gone after a couple of days, my body was just not having it for the rest of the week.
While I intended to rest, my work schedule was just not having it. So by midweek, I crashed. While I did (could) not miss any work time, anything else beyond that was just comprised of mostly resting. Forget about Kendo, I could not even hold my own working out at the gym today. Nevertheless, in total, I have missed Kendo for the past 3 weeks I think, so I am trying to make my comeback tomorrow...
To avoid similar situation in the future, I am trying and thinking about several things... I have not smoked for about a week, and trying seriously to quit now. I think I may have to re-think about my whole work out routine, since I have to keep in my mind that I cannot change my Kendo routine. In conjunction with the work out routine, I also may have to change my diet... I need to shed these excess muscle.
I hope it'll be enough...

Friendly Foes

So, Jive Tongue dislikes God of Thunder, while God of Thunder is oblivious to it. He still regards Jive Tongue as one of his closest friends. Jive Tongue's reasoning is understandable for people who knows God of Thunder... God of Thunder is not a bad person, even though he does act irresponsible, selfish and like an ass every so often. Then again, I just usually deal with him in a passive aggressive mannerism. Then again, God of Thunder owes me much, I think... and I am pretty much his only friend here in Indonesia, so he got no choice but to relent to me once in a while.
On another note, it seems Noodle King and Jive Tongue holds an increasing silent grudge with each other. Noodle King is a rich and intelligent dude, with all that qualifications, the giant ego also comes along with it. Jive Tongue is currently depressed, but he usually likes to be regarded as the smartest or best looking guy in the room. Strangely enough, Noodle King and Jive Tongue has known each other for a long time, for longer than I've known them.
What's my problem in regard all of these feuds? They are all my close friends, and each of them asks me to hang with them on a regular basis... without the other parties of course. This has caused me some headache...
Oh, Noodle King hates God of Thunder as well, even though they have only met a few times... and of course, God of Thunder is oblivious to this as well.

Sometimes I wish to God I don't know now things I didn't know then...

Over Kendo

I think I overdid it a little this past weekend...
On Saturday, I dragged myself to our temporary dojo at Mr. Concorde's apartment complex. The participants were myself, Mr. Concorde, Mr. KGawa and Mr. KBYashi. It was a good session, we did our basic rotations and we continued on to our Keiko sessions. There were only 4 of us, thus we were able to take our time and paces. However, since all the other attendees were of higher level than myself, I found myself having to put everything I got on the line to be able to keep up with everyone else. Especially Mr. Concorde, once we practiced tournament style, it was as if he yelled "Shazam!" and transformed into a super-being. None of my usual techniques could even touch him. Needless to say, our 'match' was over in a blink of an eye.
Overall, I was not disappointed with the practice on Saturday. Although, it did leave me when one question though... When we're at Kamae with the opponent, which is more important; to project our Semme to the opponent or to feel the opponent's Semme? I think what happened on Saturday was I was projecting my Semme to all my opponents that I neglected to feel theirs... I hope someone could help me answer this...
The next day, we had a visit from Mr. T... Mr. T used to be a member at the Jakarta Kendo Club, since he was re-stationed in Japan, he comes to visit us every once in a while. While he wasn't necessarily the strongest of the Senseis, I still owe him much in terms of my Kendo for the kind advise he gave me a few years back. I tried to present him with my best Kendo when I practiced him, I hope I wasn't disappointing. After that, I concentrated with practicing with my juniors, I wanted to try to see what level they were at as well as seeing their capabilities against someone more advance, with each other and someone in between (Solid Snake)... even if we had to go for an extra hour after the official session ended.
The result : my feet were sore for a few days following the back to back intense practice. Coinciding with a family even I need to attend, I think may take this weekend leave from Kendo, to rest and all...

Padawan

Solid Snake moved to Jakarta a couple of weeks after the Hong Kong Tournament ended. As soon as he landed, the 'problems' started... Prior to starting his employment, he didn't plan ahead on his accommodations, etc, thus he (with my help) had to scramble at the last minute to find a suitable place with the best location and at an affordable price. I realize that it's an immature thing that he did by not planning ahead, but then again there's a moment in every boy's life that he started to become a man, right? I hope that this is the beginning of it for Solid Snake.
So I try to help Solid Snake with his transition to working in a big city alone. I feel he has the potential for good in him and I hate to see it go to waste. Why do I feel compelled? Let's just say that I had a similar experience when I had to move to work to Boston with no friends, no place to stay, etc... It wasn't a pleasant period in my life and I don't wish it to anyone I know, especially my friends.
I explained to him that the most important thing for him right now is to concentrate on his job and expand his OWN wings in Jakarta... I will try to help him whenever I can, but there's only so much I can do... Mostly, he needs to do it for himself, as a man.

These Dreams...

I woke up in the middle of the night, twice...
Nothing serious, although the words of Dr. Melvi lingers in my mind this past few days...
"... you went from one extreme to another, maybe you need to take a step back..."
In fact, that's what I have been doing for these past few weeks, taking a step back and re-evaluate myself and my life style. A lot of these things that I have been doing for these past couple of years have grown meaningless and less... Often times, I was just going through the motion, to get out there and practice what The Game preaches. My Inner Balance, going out, 'show her a good time', call her again OR NOT, wash rinse and repeat. I was doing everything right, with precision, devoid of feelings.
I dunno man, since Hong Kong I started to feel some of my old emotions started showing again, I cried, I laughed out loud, some things I hadn't done in a long while, at least not genuinely. I didn't know what triggered them, perhaps it was a short, intense yet relaxing trip I had in Hong Kong. Perhaps it was just about damn time that some of my true self start to surface.
I really don't know what to make of this new development, I don't even know if this is a step forward or backwards for me. All I know is that it's making me re-evaluate a lot of things in priority list, the sports car, the watches, the trips I'm planning, my soul searching trip I am planning to go, who do I want to be with... EVERYTHING... However, life moves on. I still gotta go to work, which where I seems to be a lot at these days. I honestly, as I'm writing this right now a couple of things, a couple of people popped into my head. I still don't even have a slightest clue of what I should do about everything...
Oh by the way, I was writing this as I was watching 'Yes Man', I would totally fuck Zooey Deschanel...