The Dream of Glory... Back Then...

I remember when I was still at the UW Madison Kendo Club...
It was the first time I've heard that there is a pretty active Kendo community in South East Asia. I was so excited that I was still able to continue fighting even after I graduated and imminently return to Indonesia. Of course being a young cocky upstart that I was, I told myself that I was going to be South East Asian Champion someday. I was pretty confident in my own skill and record, I thought the only way I could from there was up and nothing could stop me.

I have to admit that my thirst in pursuing Kendo isn't at it's height at this moment. While I still enjoy it, I don't find myself immersed in it. Perhaps due to my other activities and distractions. I am also not in my top shape at the moment, even though I am working at it... however, nothing seems to be working for the moment. I promised Master Djedi that I'd get myself ready for the next South East Asian Tournament next year somehow. Not only I'd have to get myself ready, I will have to get my team mates ready also. Even though it saddens me to have lost a few comrades along the way, I am very comfortable with the skill level and the chemistry we have now. Possibly the most comfortable we are with each other as a Kendo team. Perhaps this time we can capture the glory that has long eluded us...

I remember after my first taste of South East Asian Kendo Championship...
While it was a satisfactory result for the Indonesian Team, I was pretty disappointed with my own performance. I thought I was a non-factor during the team championship run, much less in the individual division. I was beginning to have doubts regarding my own skill, compared to my own team mates' and my competitors'. However, I was still determined to improve and make my mark in the next tournament. Yet again, I still dream that I'd be a champion someday.

The truth is however, I have lost that dream of becoming a champion. While I still haven't reached the goal I originally set for myself. Through my life, the meaning of Kendo has changed. Even though at times I forget, it is still an important part of my life. Perhaps one thing that keeping me together when times get though. Even though both times I've tried the result wasn't as good as I'd hoped it'd be, I don't know if I can sum up the energy and the ferocity that I once had. Not to mention my age and injury, I just don't know if these old legs still have it anymore.

I remember when I first started Kendo...
I was an overweight underachiever, who never puts any real effort in any endeavor in life. Kendo was the first thing I did that put me out of my own element of comfort. The first thing that I really had to try and fight in order to survive. I promised myself I'd never give up... to prove to myself more than anyone, I can do this!!