Mr. SMura asked Mr. Djedi whether the excuse of my absence last Sunday for Kendo was indeed valid... The truth is while I told him I had family matters to attend to, in actuality I could not get my work out of my mind that day. I ended up staying home the whole day rushing to finish the content of my upcoming presentation. After I was halfway done, the computer crashed!! So I had no choice but to re-do everything forthe rest of the night. I think I finally finished it around midnight.
I managed to squeeze in a good hour of working out at the gym and dinner with my family during my break time.
So there you go...
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
A Year Older
As I meantioned, it was my birthday last week. I am officially 33 now. I think I've already started feeling like I'm 35 since a couple of years ago. There was not much fanfare for my birthday and that's just the way I liked it. I had dinner with my friends and then my family and that's about it...
I guess the older you get, the less you think about it...
I guess the older you get, the less you think about it...
Prequel to Rick James : The Swallow
As I was chatting with Swallow, I couldn't believe that it has been almost ten years since Boston and at least five years since the last time I saw her. I couldn't believe that it has been that long ago the she was the one girl that I could not get out of my mind for years after we parted ways.
We were introduced a long time ago by a mutual friend. I don't know how it happened, but I could feel an instant connection when I first saw her. Needless to say I was very much attracted to her. As time went by, we spent more and more time together and we became closer. However, as I professed my feelings for her, she declined and chose to remain as close friends. Little did I know that my decision to be friends with her would led to many unpleasant experiences for the remainder of my days in Boston.
(I've had the idea of this story for a while now, I never realized how emotional it would be for me when I'm actually putting it down to words)
Of course at the time, I have not yet learned anything that I would eventually learn about The Game, interacting with women, etc. Thus, even though perhaps there was a chance, I was too clueless to notice. I admit that we had pleasant memories of us hanging out together with friends and exploring the night life of Boston. For the most part, we were indeed close friends. However, it all came crashing that one night. My best friend from high school came to visit me during the end of my Boston stay... I could never forget his betrayal, in my car while I was driving, perhaps the single worst night of my life ever. His betrayal, her disregard of my feelings, my own stupidity. After that night, I remember it was the first time I had trouble sleeping, a symptom that would haunt me off and on until this day. While I tried to forget it, the scar never really healed and that image is perhaps forever burned into my mind.
I couldn't get her out of my mind for a few years even after we parted ways and left Boston. During the first few years of my life in Indonesia, even when I was with other women, I could often found myself longing for her. As if she was the only one for me and I need to try somehow, only I don't know how...
After a few years, eventually someone else stepped into my life and affected me the way Swallow did. She practically erased Swallow off of my mind and made herself my object of my dreams and eventually my affection. Her name is Queen of Diamonds.
My friendship with my high school buddy survived a few years after that night, until some other unrelated events transpired and I decided its best that I leave him behind and move on with my life. I have to admit perhaps the fact that I couldn't forget what happened between him and Swallow had something to do with my decision. However, as I was growing into a man of my own, there was simply no room in my life for someone like him.
My experience with Swallow also taught me not to be close friends with any women whom I am attracted to. Take it or leave it, all or nothing... I would rather risk a brief separation anxiety than to experience that night all over again. No matter what Dr. Melvi may have said, I don't think this is a decision I will change.
As I finished chatting with her, I had strangely pleasant feeling... Suddenly the memories of our time spent together in Boston came back to me. For the longest time I failed to remember our time as friends whenever I think of Boston. Even though it was a pleasant memory, it was nothing like that feeling I had for her back then... I think some things are better laid to rest...
We were introduced a long time ago by a mutual friend. I don't know how it happened, but I could feel an instant connection when I first saw her. Needless to say I was very much attracted to her. As time went by, we spent more and more time together and we became closer. However, as I professed my feelings for her, she declined and chose to remain as close friends. Little did I know that my decision to be friends with her would led to many unpleasant experiences for the remainder of my days in Boston.
(I've had the idea of this story for a while now, I never realized how emotional it would be for me when I'm actually putting it down to words)
Of course at the time, I have not yet learned anything that I would eventually learn about The Game, interacting with women, etc. Thus, even though perhaps there was a chance, I was too clueless to notice. I admit that we had pleasant memories of us hanging out together with friends and exploring the night life of Boston. For the most part, we were indeed close friends. However, it all came crashing that one night. My best friend from high school came to visit me during the end of my Boston stay... I could never forget his betrayal, in my car while I was driving, perhaps the single worst night of my life ever. His betrayal, her disregard of my feelings, my own stupidity. After that night, I remember it was the first time I had trouble sleeping, a symptom that would haunt me off and on until this day. While I tried to forget it, the scar never really healed and that image is perhaps forever burned into my mind.
I couldn't get her out of my mind for a few years even after we parted ways and left Boston. During the first few years of my life in Indonesia, even when I was with other women, I could often found myself longing for her. As if she was the only one for me and I need to try somehow, only I don't know how...
After a few years, eventually someone else stepped into my life and affected me the way Swallow did. She practically erased Swallow off of my mind and made herself my object of my dreams and eventually my affection. Her name is Queen of Diamonds.
My friendship with my high school buddy survived a few years after that night, until some other unrelated events transpired and I decided its best that I leave him behind and move on with my life. I have to admit perhaps the fact that I couldn't forget what happened between him and Swallow had something to do with my decision. However, as I was growing into a man of my own, there was simply no room in my life for someone like him.
My experience with Swallow also taught me not to be close friends with any women whom I am attracted to. Take it or leave it, all or nothing... I would rather risk a brief separation anxiety than to experience that night all over again. No matter what Dr. Melvi may have said, I don't think this is a decision I will change.
As I finished chatting with her, I had strangely pleasant feeling... Suddenly the memories of our time spent together in Boston came back to me. For the longest time I failed to remember our time as friends whenever I think of Boston. Even though it was a pleasant memory, it was nothing like that feeling I had for her back then... I think some things are better laid to rest...
Aristocraps
I was in Singapore last week, for my scheduled orthopedic check up as well as appointment with Dr. Melvi. I decided to meet her up there, since I could not make her time schedule when she was in Jakarta.
Coincidentally, my friend In or Out was there as well with his parents. I think he was there to accompany them for their check up. When both our schedule was free, we decided to meet up and walk around the streets of downtown Singapore, being it was the Great Singapore Sale month and all...
After a few stops here and there, In or Out insisted us to stop by a certain department store, because it has the perfume counter that he frequented. A special counter that only sells 'boutique perfumes' du Paris or something... Can't be found anywhere else in South East Asia and it cost over $100 a bottle, a 100ml bottle. Since I seldom wore perfume, unless I go out at night, etc... I was appalled by the idea of spending more than the usual brands of perfume that's available in any department store. I thought the idea was just egotistical burgueoise and gay!! In or Out on the other hand was just enjoying himself with the different brands, smells and flavors the store had to offer. I must say, some the scents were indeed interesting, but most of their prices were rather ridiculous... and the idea of it, still seem rather gay to me...
So, we each left the counter and department store with a $100 worth perfume bottle in our bags. Yeah I know, I know... I sold out, but In or Out's retort kinda got to me...
"You know Rick, there WAS a time when you didn't know what an IWC Portuguese was... "
Coincidentally, my friend In or Out was there as well with his parents. I think he was there to accompany them for their check up. When both our schedule was free, we decided to meet up and walk around the streets of downtown Singapore, being it was the Great Singapore Sale month and all...
After a few stops here and there, In or Out insisted us to stop by a certain department store, because it has the perfume counter that he frequented. A special counter that only sells 'boutique perfumes' du Paris or something... Can't be found anywhere else in South East Asia and it cost over $100 a bottle, a 100ml bottle. Since I seldom wore perfume, unless I go out at night, etc... I was appalled by the idea of spending more than the usual brands of perfume that's available in any department store. I thought the idea was just egotistical burgueoise and gay!! In or Out on the other hand was just enjoying himself with the different brands, smells and flavors the store had to offer. I must say, some the scents were indeed interesting, but most of their prices were rather ridiculous... and the idea of it, still seem rather gay to me...
So, we each left the counter and department store with a $100 worth perfume bottle in our bags. Yeah I know, I know... I sold out, but In or Out's retort kinda got to me...
"You know Rick, there WAS a time when you didn't know what an IWC Portuguese was... "
Monday, June 22, 2009
Snake Bite
I've been doing some practices and mock matches with Solid Snake in the past few weeks. I am not sure if I'm slacking or he's improving... maybe a little of both. I found it more and more difficult to gain the upper hand with him these days. He's young, fast and a dedicated quick learner for that matter.
Recently, I have barely managed to squeak by with marginal victory or even penalties with him.
There's a mid-year tournament next month. Last year Solid Snake was able to beat God of Thunder, let's see how he does this time around...
Waitaminute...
How he does this time around? Let's see how I do this time around!!
I'm STILL Rick James, bitch!!
Recently, I have barely managed to squeak by with marginal victory or even penalties with him.
There's a mid-year tournament next month. Last year Solid Snake was able to beat God of Thunder, let's see how he does this time around...
Waitaminute...
How he does this time around? Let's see how I do this time around!!
I'm STILL Rick James, bitch!!
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Time Out
Yes I know it was my birthday sometimes last week... but that wasn't why I haven't been able to put up some more of my journal entries in more than a week.
I had to travel for a little last week, rest assured, I will write something about that... plus, I am in a middle of preparing for a big presentation next week that took most of my time and attention. I think I've got most of the content down, so y'all should be expecting some more entries in the next few days...
I had to travel for a little last week, rest assured, I will write something about that... plus, I am in a middle of preparing for a big presentation next week that took most of my time and attention. I think I've got most of the content down, so y'all should be expecting some more entries in the next few days...
Thursday, June 11, 2009
I Gots the Need, the Need for... Limitations !? (epilogue sequel)
Don Langeo's Final Thoughts (before I told him to STFU) :
Rick James,
I can safely say that anyone quoting Tropic Thunder obviously has their
shit together and their priorities straight.
I agree that goals are good to have but do you run the risk of not
achieving a particular goal and therefore feeling that you are trapped
at a particular stage in your life.
I think I heard this in some King Fu "B" movie - the truly enlightened
man wants for nothing. If you want for nothing - you have everything.
Now snatch the pebble from my hand Grasshopper!
As far as the be all you can be vs. accepting yourself argument - I
think I fall somewhere in between. I think that everyone should strive
to push themselves to be the best person possible. However, to quote the
great Dirty Harry - "A man's got to know his limitations". A person who
does not know or respect their limitations will continually strive for
the unattainable - thereby frustrating themselves and detracting from
those things that they do excel at by focusing their energies in an
unproductive manner.
I'm glad to hear that you are enjoying Chickenfoot. When I heard about
them I figured they'd be right up your alley.
I'm looking forward to seeing you in "Fast and Furious XVll - Bandung
Drift"!
Rick James,
I can safely say that anyone quoting Tropic Thunder obviously has their
shit together and their priorities straight.
I agree that goals are good to have but do you run the risk of not
achieving a particular goal and therefore feeling that you are trapped
at a particular stage in your life.
I think I heard this in some King Fu "B" movie - the truly enlightened
man wants for nothing. If you want for nothing - you have everything.
Now snatch the pebble from my hand Grasshopper!
As far as the be all you can be vs. accepting yourself argument - I
think I fall somewhere in between. I think that everyone should strive
to push themselves to be the best person possible. However, to quote the
great Dirty Harry - "A man's got to know his limitations". A person who
does not know or respect their limitations will continually strive for
the unattainable - thereby frustrating themselves and detracting from
those things that they do excel at by focusing their energies in an
unproductive manner.
I'm glad to hear that you are enjoying Chickenfoot. When I heard about
them I figured they'd be right up your alley.
I'm looking forward to seeing you in "Fast and Furious XVll - Bandung
Drift"!
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Translation to the Kamae (epilogue)
Thankfully those are the main issue bothering me at this moment. There are other things of course, but nothing too serious at this point. I have started distancing myself from my past 'hobbies' in order to gain perspective in my life, to truly reach out rather than looking from behind my walls. It is a slow process, not an instant one. I had my ups and downs with this... Mostly downers. I am worried that I might fall back into another comfort zone, ironically... I want to snap myself out of this, but in my current state, I don't know where to go or how to do it...
Mechanics of the Game
Sometimes I felt that I knew it all...
I knew when to lean in closer and when to sit back comfortably...
I knew when to listen, when to laugh and when to sympathize...
I knew when to make a witty remark, a crazy remark and a serious hint...
I knew what she truly said by the words that she chose, the position of her arms, legs and body...
I knew what she's thinking or feeling by looking at her posture, her face and her movements...
Backhanded complements, puzzling answers, sitting position, smiling expression, gleam of the eye, I learned them all and did them all...
For a while there, it was working too, perhaps too well... For once in my life, I was the one with the power, the power to choose and decide. While my conscience never actually let me abuse this power, I was however, enjoying this position very much. Until I realize something was missing, an important element, the basics of it all : the feeling.
While I know that I am far from being an expert on this and most people would just think that I'm crazy, I am pretty sure that what I have learned these past 3 years is indeed a powerful tool. A tool that I need, since I wasn't one who is natural with social skillz. A friend of mine got me into The Game and upon finishing it, I knew I had to learn more. I read more books, listened to audio lectures, online paragraphs, everything... While each authors has their own valid point and strengths in their argument, I finally chose upon a set which I found suited most with my personality. While I do not think that it is the whole factor of my social life, I do believe that it has been a great help for me these past few years...
After a while, however, everything started to be tedious, mechanical and repetitive, I felt increasingly numb after each encounter. I found that the doctrene of The Game to be the opposite of my feelings... After all, I still do not understand how you will find love without using your feelings?
Dr. Melvi had a theory... Since I went from one extreme to another in a relative short period of time, somehow The Game had backfired on me. I am using it to build more walls instead of reaching out...
As I am writing this, I am still confused. Perhaps this is the REAL cause of my stagnation. I realize the usefulness of this tool, yet I don't want to be trapped again within the same spiral. Easier said than done, it's not like it is something I can turn on/off like a light switch.
I knew when to lean in closer and when to sit back comfortably...
I knew when to listen, when to laugh and when to sympathize...
I knew when to make a witty remark, a crazy remark and a serious hint...
I knew what she truly said by the words that she chose, the position of her arms, legs and body...
I knew what she's thinking or feeling by looking at her posture, her face and her movements...
Backhanded complements, puzzling answers, sitting position, smiling expression, gleam of the eye, I learned them all and did them all...
For a while there, it was working too, perhaps too well... For once in my life, I was the one with the power, the power to choose and decide. While my conscience never actually let me abuse this power, I was however, enjoying this position very much. Until I realize something was missing, an important element, the basics of it all : the feeling.
While I know that I am far from being an expert on this and most people would just think that I'm crazy, I am pretty sure that what I have learned these past 3 years is indeed a powerful tool. A tool that I need, since I wasn't one who is natural with social skillz. A friend of mine got me into The Game and upon finishing it, I knew I had to learn more. I read more books, listened to audio lectures, online paragraphs, everything... While each authors has their own valid point and strengths in their argument, I finally chose upon a set which I found suited most with my personality. While I do not think that it is the whole factor of my social life, I do believe that it has been a great help for me these past few years...
After a while, however, everything started to be tedious, mechanical and repetitive, I felt increasingly numb after each encounter. I found that the doctrene of The Game to be the opposite of my feelings... After all, I still do not understand how you will find love without using your feelings?
Dr. Melvi had a theory... Since I went from one extreme to another in a relative short period of time, somehow The Game had backfired on me. I am using it to build more walls instead of reaching out...
As I am writing this, I am still confused. Perhaps this is the REAL cause of my stagnation. I realize the usefulness of this tool, yet I don't want to be trapped again within the same spiral. Easier said than done, it's not like it is something I can turn on/off like a light switch.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
I Gots the Need, the Need for... Self Validation?!? (conclusion)
Don Langeo,
It's funny that you mentioned the phrase the world passing me by because that is exactly how I feel these past few days. However, either I think you misunderstood my point a little bit or I am the one who's actually confused. The point of the sports car is not that I need material validation of who my own being.
"I know who I am! I'm the dude, playing the dude disguised as another dude!"
Instead, it's one of the goals I have set for myself in life that I need to achieve before I move on to my next stages in life. I want to someday favorably look back to thing I have done, rather than what might have been. We all know that our goals changes from after time... well, this one has been bugging me over the past 10 years! I think it's about time I put it to rest and get it over with.
Since you mentioned it, what's your opinion on the whole be the best you can be vs accepting who you are issue? I believe I wrote about that a little while back.
However, I assure you this is not the case where I need materials to validate my own existence. It's just that I need to move on and I need something fast to move on in...
What kind of car am I gonna get? Well, money and availability is the most important issue. I can only get a used car and sports cars are not so easy to come by here. I don't think I can find a 1967 custom faded yellow Chevy Camarro with black racing stripe, plus I am not too familiar with engines, etc... Most likely? BMW or Japanese imports... at this moment, anything 2 seaters with a minimal of 3 litre engine is under consideration (except for a Subaru). I just can't believe a certain movie franchise about illegal racing has this much hold over me.
I was loving Chickenfoot when I listened to them last night. Basically, I am loving any band out there who plays straight out rock and roll these days. However, Chickenfoot sounds like Van Hagar with Steve Vai trying to prove to the world that he's better than Eddie. Saying that, of course Velvet Revolver is essentially Guns and Roses with a replacement (no less crazy) singer. Having said that, I loved them all!!
It's funny that you mentioned the phrase the world passing me by because that is exactly how I feel these past few days. However, either I think you misunderstood my point a little bit or I am the one who's actually confused. The point of the sports car is not that I need material validation of who my own being.
"I know who I am! I'm the dude, playing the dude disguised as another dude!"
Instead, it's one of the goals I have set for myself in life that I need to achieve before I move on to my next stages in life. I want to someday favorably look back to thing I have done, rather than what might have been. We all know that our goals changes from after time... well, this one has been bugging me over the past 10 years! I think it's about time I put it to rest and get it over with.
Since you mentioned it, what's your opinion on the whole be the best you can be vs accepting who you are issue? I believe I wrote about that a little while back.
However, I assure you this is not the case where I need materials to validate my own existence. It's just that I need to move on and I need something fast to move on in...
What kind of car am I gonna get? Well, money and availability is the most important issue. I can only get a used car and sports cars are not so easy to come by here. I don't think I can find a 1967 custom faded yellow Chevy Camarro with black racing stripe, plus I am not too familiar with engines, etc... Most likely? BMW or Japanese imports... at this moment, anything 2 seaters with a minimal of 3 litre engine is under consideration (except for a Subaru). I just can't believe a certain movie franchise about illegal racing has this much hold over me.
I was loving Chickenfoot when I listened to them last night. Basically, I am loving any band out there who plays straight out rock and roll these days. However, Chickenfoot sounds like Van Hagar with Steve Vai trying to prove to the world that he's better than Eddie. Saying that, of course Velvet Revolver is essentially Guns and Roses with a replacement (no less crazy) singer. Having said that, I loved them all!!
I Gots the Need, the Need for... (part 2)
My Comment :
Don Langeo,
I am honored that you have given your time of day at this... time of day to grace me with your wisdom... I pray that may your first child be a masculine child...
(at this moment, I am feverishly illegally downloading anything that is
connected to the name Chickenfoot)
I view the sports car question is more than just an issue of my current financial and dependant status. Psychologically, I view as a step in the process of my own 'healing', 'being' and 'self-actualization'. Not blaming, rather than accepting and acknowledging, I think I didn't have a totally happy childhood, especially my teen and post teen years.
This has caused me to have a 'root programing' based on self-loathing and low self esteem. Always having in mind that I am not good enough and not deserving certain things in life... Perhaps you could remember my often angry state of mind a few years back.
Through the events of my recent years, things I went through, things I have learned, I have gotten better. I have gained some of the skillz and confidence which have alluded me in the past. In the process, I became less extreme in my demeanor, more balanced... I thought I have conquered this demon, yet it still found its way to surface from time to
time. I still need to take baby steps towards the Rick James direction, to be a complete person... Trying to be the best I can be, yet accepting who I am. The sports car is a manifestation of one of these steps... I feel that by denying myself the object I desire, no matter how unimportant it is, I actually denying myself to be... Instead falling back to the same old trap and repeating the same cycle.
I realize this may sound like a self righteous, self justification
bullshit for buying a sports car, but that is how I truly feel...
I just hope that it is correct.
Don Langeo's Response :
Quoting one of my favorite scenes from the Godfather with Luca Brasi - he was always loyal to Vito. I was bummed when he got strangled.
I'm curious to hear your opinion of Chickenfoot after listening to them.
The one concern I would have regarding the sports car and your Psychological well being is that you associate material things such as cars, jewelry, etc. with your self worth. Someone will always have a bigger/better car, watch, house, etc. The key is to enjoy what you have and feel good in the fact that you worked hard to earn them - and can appreciate them even more because of that.
I applaud you for trying to be the best person you can be. However, I would caution you to not get lost in the quest and find out too late that life has passed you by. As you stated in your e-mail - I think the key is to accept who you are. Work on those things which need improving but know that perfection is unattainable. Bottom line - enjoy the toys for the right reasons - not the wrong ones.
I have to ask - what kind of sports car are you considering?
Don Langeo,
I am honored that you have given your time of day at this... time of day to grace me with your wisdom... I pray that may your first child be a masculine child...
(at this moment, I am feverishly illegally downloading anything that is
connected to the name Chickenfoot)
I view the sports car question is more than just an issue of my current financial and dependant status. Psychologically, I view as a step in the process of my own 'healing', 'being' and 'self-actualization'. Not blaming, rather than accepting and acknowledging, I think I didn't have a totally happy childhood, especially my teen and post teen years.
This has caused me to have a 'root programing' based on self-loathing and low self esteem. Always having in mind that I am not good enough and not deserving certain things in life... Perhaps you could remember my often angry state of mind a few years back.
Through the events of my recent years, things I went through, things I have learned, I have gotten better. I have gained some of the skillz and confidence which have alluded me in the past. In the process, I became less extreme in my demeanor, more balanced... I thought I have conquered this demon, yet it still found its way to surface from time to
time. I still need to take baby steps towards the Rick James direction, to be a complete person... Trying to be the best I can be, yet accepting who I am. The sports car is a manifestation of one of these steps... I feel that by denying myself the object I desire, no matter how unimportant it is, I actually denying myself to be... Instead falling back to the same old trap and repeating the same cycle.
I realize this may sound like a self righteous, self justification
bullshit for buying a sports car, but that is how I truly feel...
I just hope that it is correct.
Don Langeo's Response :
Quoting one of my favorite scenes from the Godfather with Luca Brasi - he was always loyal to Vito. I was bummed when he got strangled.
I'm curious to hear your opinion of Chickenfoot after listening to them.
The one concern I would have regarding the sports car and your Psychological well being is that you associate material things such as cars, jewelry, etc. with your self worth. Someone will always have a bigger/better car, watch, house, etc. The key is to enjoy what you have and feel good in the fact that you worked hard to earn them - and can appreciate them even more because of that.
I applaud you for trying to be the best person you can be. However, I would caution you to not get lost in the quest and find out too late that life has passed you by. As you stated in your e-mail - I think the key is to accept who you are. Work on those things which need improving but know that perfection is unattainable. Bottom line - enjoy the toys for the right reasons - not the wrong ones.
I have to ask - what kind of sports car are you considering?
I Gots the Need, the Need for... (part 1)
These excerpts are taken from a recent correspondence I had with Don Langeo.
First Letter :
Don Langeo,
Here's one thing I wanted to ask you...
I finally have saved up some money to buy perhaps a second hand sports car... I am asking the wisdom from you, my godfather in regards to this
matter...
On one hand I know it's an unnecessary spending... However, it is something I have always wanted for a long long time now... Not to show off, but as sort of a self validation. I fear that if I hold myself back on this one thing, I could hold myself back too... you know, not following through with your dream, etc...
Also, I am single... right now I can afford it, I am not married, got no kids (that I know of)... If I hold of on this one, and who knows what happens in the future... I may get old before I know it... Perhaps the next time I will get to do is when I'm 60 or something!!
Don Langeo's Response :
Don Langeo gives you his blessing to purchase a sports car. I agree, you have no commitments at this time in your life - other than to yourself. Once you settle down and start a family you may never have the opportunity to fulfill this dream you've had. Why not splurge and enjoy yourself while you can. Should you settle down at some point you can always trade the sports car in for a mini van :-)
I noticed that once I settled in with Gina and Jeremy many of the things I thought I always wanted - cool guitars, cars, watches etc. became much less important to me. Priorities change over time - if this is something you've always wanted and you have the means at this time to attain it -
I say go ahead and enjoy it.
The part of Mexico I was in was pretty safe - I left before the big swine flu outbreak. Did you hear that Sammy, Michael Anthony, Joe Satriani and the drummer from the Red Hot Chili Peppers started a new band called Chickenfoot. I think they just released their debut CD.
First Letter :
Don Langeo,
Here's one thing I wanted to ask you...
I finally have saved up some money to buy perhaps a second hand sports car... I am asking the wisdom from you, my godfather in regards to this
matter...
On one hand I know it's an unnecessary spending... However, it is something I have always wanted for a long long time now... Not to show off, but as sort of a self validation. I fear that if I hold myself back on this one thing, I could hold myself back too... you know, not following through with your dream, etc...
Also, I am single... right now I can afford it, I am not married, got no kids (that I know of)... If I hold of on this one, and who knows what happens in the future... I may get old before I know it... Perhaps the next time I will get to do is when I'm 60 or something!!
Don Langeo's Response :
Don Langeo gives you his blessing to purchase a sports car. I agree, you have no commitments at this time in your life - other than to yourself. Once you settle down and start a family you may never have the opportunity to fulfill this dream you've had. Why not splurge and enjoy yourself while you can. Should you settle down at some point you can always trade the sports car in for a mini van :-)
I noticed that once I settled in with Gina and Jeremy many of the things I thought I always wanted - cool guitars, cars, watches etc. became much less important to me. Priorities change over time - if this is something you've always wanted and you have the means at this time to attain it -
I say go ahead and enjoy it.
The part of Mexico I was in was pretty safe - I left before the big swine flu outbreak. Did you hear that Sammy, Michael Anthony, Joe Satriani and the drummer from the Red Hot Chili Peppers started a new band called Chickenfoot. I think they just released their debut CD.
Breaching Walls...
Dr. Melvi warned me a couple months ago, that her therapy may not always be pleasant. I may have to confront feelings, thoughts or memories that I have suppressed in order for me to be able to let go of my pain(s) and move on with my life. There were a couple of events that I have faced in these past few months, but most of them were not major episodes that could broke me down... Perhaps, I THOUGHT I had moved on when in fact, I was merely running away for them to catch up to me again...
Honestly, it is quite difficult for me to write this piece (even at this moment), because writing this means facing the issue, remembering them, putting them down orderly in words, instead of jumbled fragments of thoughts and memories.
In the past few years, many things happened... Sometimes drastically, to the point that I have no 'time' to recollect these events and put them in perspective. These drastic changes, some did gave the good kick in the head I needed and deserved... Others however, have built additional illusions and walls that prevented me to 'let go'.
I was up a little late last sunday night, thinking about nothing in particular, when I was abruptly reminded of my current state of social life and my past failures. I admit it's a little bit hard to take, even at this stage in my life...
Perhaps I need to break it down a little bit to simplify, even for my own understanding...
Honestly, it is quite difficult for me to write this piece (even at this moment), because writing this means facing the issue, remembering them, putting them down orderly in words, instead of jumbled fragments of thoughts and memories.
In the past few years, many things happened... Sometimes drastically, to the point that I have no 'time' to recollect these events and put them in perspective. These drastic changes, some did gave the good kick in the head I needed and deserved... Others however, have built additional illusions and walls that prevented me to 'let go'.
I was up a little late last sunday night, thinking about nothing in particular, when I was abruptly reminded of my current state of social life and my past failures. I admit it's a little bit hard to take, even at this stage in my life...
Perhaps I need to break it down a little bit to simplify, even for my own understanding...
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Translation to the Kamae ( Prologue )
I think aside from the Kendo interpretation, I think I could think of my recent Kendo problems as : the stagnation in my life...
If I rewind a little bit further back, I could see that some of these so-called stagnation is self inflicted... maybe it's Karma... Keep in mind that I am a person that can be confused quite easily.
So looking a little bit deeper, let us observe what's holding me back (myself)...
If I rewind a little bit further back, I could see that some of these so-called stagnation is self inflicted... maybe it's Karma... Keep in mind that I am a person that can be confused quite easily.
So looking a little bit deeper, let us observe what's holding me back (myself)...
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Akiba Syndrome
So I practically kidnapped Solid Snake to go to our new Dojo on Saturday. We arrived a bit late there, it was a full house indeed... Mr. M, Mr. KKawa, Mr. Concorde, Mr. KByashi, Mr. KGata and Mr SMatsu were already hard at practice... Solid Snake and I being the only Indonesian there, had a tough but fun practice cut out for us. Even though I had a hell of a time there... There were two or three majors advises that were presented to me :
1. Mr. KKawa commented on my kamae. He said my kamae is a product of my own comfort, not an offensive kamae for attacking. While it is nice to be comfortable in my own kamae, ultimately it is how we attack that matters in Kendo. Thus, he suggested me to move my arms forward about 1 cm during kamae, so that my stance would be more 'offensive'>
2. Mr. Concorde told me that sometimes during the moment before an attack, I would move my kamae upwards. While I deduce that's probably due to my recent tendencies to raise my shinai to attack men or (trying to) counnter using men-kaishi-do attack. Mr. Concorde told me that in an event of an offensive maneuver, it's better to aim our shinai lower, to concentrate our offense of the opponent's center or 'tanden'...
3. After he ALMOST beat me, Solid Snake commented that my footwork was sloppy... Not as smooth and crisp as before...
The next day, I went through basic practice with no problem. However, my stomach was acting up so bad after that I had through sit out the rest of the day...
1. Mr. KKawa commented on my kamae. He said my kamae is a product of my own comfort, not an offensive kamae for attacking. While it is nice to be comfortable in my own kamae, ultimately it is how we attack that matters in Kendo. Thus, he suggested me to move my arms forward about 1 cm during kamae, so that my stance would be more 'offensive'>
2. Mr. Concorde told me that sometimes during the moment before an attack, I would move my kamae upwards. While I deduce that's probably due to my recent tendencies to raise my shinai to attack men or (trying to) counnter using men-kaishi-do attack. Mr. Concorde told me that in an event of an offensive maneuver, it's better to aim our shinai lower, to concentrate our offense of the opponent's center or 'tanden'...
3. After he ALMOST beat me, Solid Snake commented that my footwork was sloppy... Not as smooth and crisp as before...
The next day, I went through basic practice with no problem. However, my stomach was acting up so bad after that I had through sit out the rest of the day...
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