Slam Awakening

I just realized that I haven’t been active in Kendo for at least one month now, sure I have been to practice here and there, but nothing regular and I never really got my rhythm either. I was reminded of that last Sunday both by the senseis and by my own body. SMura Sensei paired me up with Mr. Concorde for the entire basic practice. I basically had to give everything I have in me to match Mr. Concorde’s speed and intensity. After basic practice I was totally drained, I wasn’t short of breath but even breathing was tiring for me.

I only had one more keiko left in me at that point and Mr. SMura picked up on that. It was a terrible keiko for me, I am ashamed that I had stoop to that level yesterday. Mr. SMura basically had his way with me and even slammed me to the ground at one point.

This is rude awakening for me, I HAVE to get back to Kendo, I have left it behind for too long now. Juggling my work, private life and Kendo is indeed a challenge, but I have done it once before, I am sure I could do it again…

To Song5

This pretains to the previous comment I have written in regards to what I thought of your Kendo. I apologize if I haven't been as helpful in the past, not because I didn't want to, but because I view myself as a fellow student on a similar journey as yours. There are perhaps a little tips here and there I could share with you, since what you are going through now, chances are I have been there before.
Kendo is an eternal inner struggle. When you are at the dojo facing an opponent, it is infact you are facing yourself. Within your inner mind, the opponent does not exist. It is yourself that you have challenge and defeat; your fears, your doubts and confusions. For when you have defeated an aspect of yourself, you will then become a stronger person, not only in Kendo but in life as well.
Please do not get discouraged even when you are frustrated.

Insomnia Music Theatre

I've been practicing my guitar again this week, since I am away for work in Sumatera.
Even though I haven't stuck to the lesson materials, I think I am able to play a couple of simple songs which cords I have downloaded.
I am able to play Every Rose Has its Thorns again, although I am still unsure with a couple of cords/lines they show on the internet. I think whomever uploaded it may have made some mistake there.
I have also started doing my subburi practice again, which I have neglected for so many weeks now... Even though my arms and shoulders feel strong from all the work out I have been doing, it felt a bit stiff when I started my subburi yesterday. Today, it felt a bit better, but I think I will have to keep doing it so it won't stiff up again.

Zuko Alone

The title is taken from one of the episodes of my current favorite series. The character mentioned is one that I can identify myself with the most. I feel that the writer did a great job in portraying the inner struggle of boy and his acceptance of his true identity and destiny in becoming a man. Like Zuko, I also had my share of inner conflict and bout, for many years in fact. It wasn't until I realize there is no use dwelling in hate and anger, because hate and anger is a killer, it makes us weak and lost.
Leaving all the behind isn't an easy task, it takes real courage, patience and lots energy, and surely it takes time as well. It is only after we leave all our anger and hatred behind that we can begin to see ourselves in a new light and discover our true destiny. We can then channel our 'inner fire' into our drive and focus for us to chase our destiny...

Roller Coaster

I would like to apologize if my recent entries hasn't made much sense to some of y'all. It's just that a lot has been happening to yours truly as of late, and not a lot of it has made much sense yet.
It seems that I have been in a roller coaster ride of emotion and growth in the past couple of years. As if I am going through a crash course on everything that I was supposed to know by now. Perhaps due to my nature when I was younger, I was avoiding many things while I should have faced them head on and now nothing can hold the tidal wave any longer and everything came rushing to me in a short period of time.
However, somehow all of this has made me strong enough to keep relatively in focus and perspective for my own goals. Perhaps the worst is yet to come... In any case, I think I better learn to surf these waves better...

Game Set Match

Well, just when I thought there was none or little hope, a new wind seems to blow towards my direction.
Honestly, I feel the Force is strong in this one. Perhaps even stronger than me by far... However, she seems intriguing and fun... I am a bit confused how I should go about approaching this one, however it is challenging...
She just threw me a major curve ball the other day that I didn't see coming...
We'll see how I would at bat for this one.

Road Weary

I was in Bandung the last few days for a family reunion of sort, also to take time to visit Provocateur. I had the chance to spend some time with her, although it wasn't enough I don't think. However, from the time I spent with her and from the things that happened in the past week or so, I've got this feeling that as promising as this possible relationship may be, I think the distance and lack of exposure would be totally draining and perhaps it would possibly implode.
I think I will lay off Provocateur, my life is in Jakarta now, with me dividing my time between Jakarta and Palembang, I don't think starting a long distance relationship in Bandung would be feasible at this point. Sure, she can visit me in Jakarta and I can go to Bandung from time to time. However, as we speak, I have missed 3 weeks of kendo among other things... and how long can she keep up with visiting me in Jakarta?
Of course NTX keeps insisting that I should give it a try, however I don't think even he can comprehend that the price to pay is just too high for me.

I am due back to Palembang tomorrow for work, and when I get back I think my Kendo is awaiting for me. For sure, I have to start practicing for the upcoming tournament in July? Also I have to start practicing kata with TTKuma for the demonstration in October. To prepare for this, I have arranged to alter my weight lifting routine to accomodate my Kendo practice.

Vacation Cut Short

Apparently my sickness last entry wasn't the end of it. This past weekend, I was feverish, major headache and I thought like I was going to die. They took some blood tests, the result was I was fine, no dengue, no malaria, no typhoid or anything like that. As soon as I got better, I was up and about to meet up with a certain someone who adamantly came and visit Jakarta even though I told her I was sick... Thank god I did so too...
Anyways, all these sickness, Singapore trip etc, have put a major wrench on my dieting and work out routine. I was planning on taking a break in the month of May, but I think I gots to cut my vacation short and it's GO time again, folks...
After all, who knows where'll end up visiting in the coming months... I gots to be in my best shape.

Provocateur

I have been down for the count in the last few days, bad flu symptoms I think. I may have caught it from my sister while I was in Singapore. My whole body was aching, I couldn't sleep, headache, slight fever and nasal congestion as well. My work was affected, not to mention my work out routine as well, even to this day, while I feel better, my joints still hurts.
Anyhow, I was recently introduced to Provocateur by NTX... I don't know what it was, but I had a strange feeling that the chemistry was right, from what I can see, I think she's feeling the same way too...
We've been talking on the phone for the past few weeks, trying to find time to see each other again... See, I live in Jakarta while she lives in Bandung, it's a 2 hour car ride in between. It's not the car ride that kills me, it's finding the time to go to Bandung. I have a lot of commitment in Jakarta, with work, Kendo, work out and my friends, if I want to go to Bandung, then I will have to leave them all behind and it's difficult.
Provocateur, what can I say about her? She's a fiery one, but she has a mature attitude and good head on her shoulder despite her tender age. She's also told me that she was prone to getting into fist fights while she was young... That makes me wonder, I remember Queen of Diamonds also told me that she was prone to getting into fights while she's young... What does it say about me when I am attracted to these... women with violent tendencies?
Anyways, I hope we can come up with a plan or compromise on how to each other more often... Otherwise I don't think I can make this work...

Rediscovering an Old Friend

You know, Singapore is pretty boring when you have nothing much planned and you're not traveling with your friends. However, this time, I got to meet up my old friend Zen...
I actually knew Zen when we were still in the University together, but I didn't really got close until both of us were working in Boston. At the time, both of us were pretty much alone in the city, know nobody and looking for friends... He was a bit luckier than me in terms of his employment, he had a higher position and got to enjoy some of the profits as his company went IPO. However, during that height, it was when his problems started... I think it was stress related, he started having headaches and pains that he couldn't explain, not long before that he disappeared.
It was afterwards that I found out he went into seclusion in a Buddhist temple somewhere in Thailand for a few years to try to find solutions to his problems. He stayed there for a while and even contemplating to become a Buddhist monk. After he fought through his stresses, he came back to Singapore an enlightened and vegetarian… He still has a job and everything, but I think he had a change of outlook in his life.

I had a brief chance to share with him some of the problems I am going through because I felt the he may be one person who could understand and perhaps share a bit of insight to what I am going through. Since he’s enlightenment and merciful outlook and all…

Well, I gots his email address and phone number to stay in contact in the near future. Its kinda good to reconnect with an old friend.

Hold On, Wait a Minute...

Song5 approached me earlier before Kendo practice today and asked when I came back from Singapore... When I asked how she knew, she said she read it on my blog... So, I re-read my blog entries and realize, I didn't write anything about me going to Singapore this past few days... How did she know? Did I wrote it down somewhere without realizing it?
Oh well...

I had practice with Song5 earlier today... While her basics and movements were excellent, there were other things that affected her Kendo. She was passive and even stopping mid-step, doubting her own moves. I commend her for her work ethic and humility in Kendo, however her problem is not of her physical aspect, but of her mental and emotion... I believe for her to take the next step forward, she must first conquer her fears, doubts and lack of confidence... Take a look inward, Song5, face your fears, conquer them and I believe you can...

Ehem, now to the matter at hand, has other people been reading my blog? Hmm, maybe I should be careful what I say now... on second thought, naaaaah! Why should I? I'm Rick James, b*tch!!!