The Path of the...

"When you have lost everything, then you're free to do anything..."
Tyler Durden

I once thought that when you have lost everything you hold dearly in your life, then you are free to do whatever you like... when you got nothing, you got nothing to lose.
Tried I did, as recent as last weekend in fact, I put on a great show and gained myself a major moral victory. However, my victory was a tainted one.

Blinded by my sorrow and anger, I was goaded to go on a path based on hatred and revenge. The way of the Dark Side, a wise one said a long time ago (in a galaxy far far away).
They say the hate is the only emotion stronger than love. Hate and anger can in fact be a great drive for one to achieve many things, it can keep keenly driven for one to reach that goal. However it also turns you, twist you and tears you up inside... Until in the end, you're left ruined and but a shell of a man long gone.

I never expected the conflict to run so deep within me. Merely an evening tore me up so greatly that just when I thought I was finally in control, I hit rock bottom. Then I realized that this isn't a path meant for me to take... In fact, I should have realized, since I have been on this path before, for way too long. I decided to let go of the hate and anger once more, to be at peace and the let the Force flow through me and guide me...

Even though I thought I understood what was implied by Tyler Durden, I then realized that this is not a path for me. As dark as the character and the story was, I found that there's another way to translate the words...

Once you have let go of your bitterness, your anger and your doubts, then you are free to propel forward in your life. Hopefully to a direction of fulfilment and happiness for myself.
Here I am, speaking as if I am an enlightened man, when the truth is still far from it.
Bear in mind that it is not an instatenous process, I struggle to remind myself everyday. I want what's best for myself, even for the Queen of Diamonds. I realized that she's actually lost, amidst the distractions that is her life. I hope she finds whatever destination that she TRULY wants. I don't know if we may cross path again someday, but for now... I am taking my steps forward, one day at a time.