Four months later...

With the doctor's clearance, I was finally able to start practicing Kendo again starting last week. I haven't felt any pain for a while now and I didn't feel any pain when I was practicing Kendo either.
On the surface, perhaps it seems my Kendo was still alright, but I can't help but starting to think of somethings I have to change to improve or perhaps avoid similar type of injury to my lower back.

I think there's something fundamentally wrong with my Kendo and I don't know if it's physical or mental. The problem is noticeable and has been pointed out to me by Sergeant H and my friend TWT, right after my Men strike, the momentum of my body seems to go upward and not forward as it should be. This has caused me not being able to utilize my body size for tai-atari and perhaps have caused my lower back to bear the burden of body's momentum.
TWT also pointed out that due to my 'upward' momentum, I am easily knocked down or pushed back after tai-atari.
Before my injury, I have practiced subburi and my leg strength to try to fix or compensate for this problem. To this day, I am still puzzled on how to start fixing this problem. Perhaps the problem is not physical? Perhaps it's mental? Maybe I am afraid, thus sub-conciously I move my body backward when I going to strike or seme? This is also one point I need to address...

Aside from that, I notice that in tournaments, I seem to not able to utilize my whole ability. It seems that I only try to safe kote attacks and not try to do my true Kendo. I think this is from my fear of losing, especially to someone with equal level or lower... While when I'm practicing with my teachers, I am able to enjoy myself whether in losing or hitting. I think that way I am able to utilize my full Kendo.

All these questions I have in Kendo, somehow corresponds to my daily life, will it be work or my social life. Perhaps in life I am still confused, not focused and not brave enough to just go forward... Long ago, Kiyota Sensei mentioned the concept of Sutemi, go for broke! To let go of yourself and just go, this is something I have to keep learning.